I start the New Year with the tail end of my radiation treatments and I'm definitely feeling it now. It's day 27 of 33 treatments! The 5FU chemo pills were having an adverse effect after 4 weeks so I took the week of Christmas off which was actually good because I felt well for the festivities. Last week I started up the pills again 3 in the AM & 3 in the PM and am still feeling well in that regard.
The main issue now is the pain from burning and bruising that the radiation causes. Especially in my armpit area, it is very black and blue. I've started wearing the lympodema sleeve again to prevent any swelling. Today I went back to the gym and just focused on the treadmill, legs and abs giving my arms a break.
For the first time in a while I started feeling depressed, maybe because I had not exercised over the holiday break with the kids home. Or maybe it's because my kids don't seem to understand, how could they? They expect the same things of me and because I've tried to hide the effects from them in an effort not to make them worry, they don't seem to worry as far as I can tell. It's better that they don't worry. As a matter a fact I really hate it when I sense pity from people. Yet I do need more nurturing and support, but I've realized I have to surround myself with positive people. Luckily I have quite a few friends who fit the bill.
I sang a solo "O Holy Night" at the Christmas Eve candlelight service and I was not sure if the teary eyed people were reacting to my voice or because of what I've been dealing with. Either way, I feel like going to church has become bitter sweet because I don't want to be viewed as someone who should be prayed for while bowing heads look down. I don't want those prayers. I wish people would look up and smile as I try to every day with gratitude and the belief that I will be ok. I try to see the other side of this journey with the outcome that I want and can't wait for this to be a distant memory.
Happy New Year...I wish my readers peace, health and love in 2016!